Vice-chancellor caught bragging about free food and drink during dinner with wealthy donors

Have you heard the joke about the difference between a shopping trolley and a vice-chancellor?

No? Neither had we, until we discovered Professor Paul Curran’s attempt at a comedic career during one of his speeches at the Lord Mayor of London’s annual Mansion House dinner.

He was caught bragging about free food and drink during a dinner with wealthy university donors in 2011.

The punchline of the joke, which was shamefully nicked from Professor Sir Howard Newby’s submission to a scientific investigation into the funniest joke in the world, is: “You can get more food and drink into a vice‐chancellor, but only the shopping trolley has a mind of its own.”

Evidently this is something that resonated so deeply with the vice-chancellor that he felt the need to recite it to the many Lords, Aldermen, and other powerful people that attend said dinner every year.

At the time of the speech, Paul Curran had only been in his current position for about eight months – but he seemingly had plenty of time to enjoy the benefits of the job.

He boasted to the other guests: “It seems that I have eaten my way around the nation’s capital, thanks to everyone’s generous hospitality.”

But these perks could apparently also be quite tiresome as he referred to the many “berobed days and white-tie evenings” as “gruelling”.

There are probably a large amount of students who would like to help the vice-chancellor with his challenging tasks.

One City student said that they would “gladly kill someone for the luxuries the vice-chancellor has”, and would like to replace their regular microwaveable meals with his expensive dinners.

However, considering the Professor splurges university money on eating out with council members at five-star hotels or celebrity restaurants, it doesn’t seem as if it is as tiring as he claims in his speech.

We can probably expect that there is quite a lot more food and drink in the vice-chancellor’s future.